THE Most Important Conversation (YOU Will Ever Have)
This week I have been walking around asking myself the question, “Is THAT person REALLY ok? I SEE what they are showing on the outside… but I don’t think it lines up with what is going on in the inside. I think they are really hurting. I don’t think life is exactly the way they wish it to be.” Some “version” of these words has entered my mind A LOT this week. I was looking at others (happily) and making all these judgements and assumptions and evaluations…
And then I had to STOP! REAL QUICK! “Ernest Saves Christmas” air brakes QUICK! Because… just for a moment… THIS question entered my mind… “Hylan… are YOU… REALLY ok?” I DID NOT LIKE THIS QUESTION… and I removed it from my brain as quickly as it had snuck in… but it was TOO LATE! It WAS there… just hanging out. My brain, my body, my soul had already registered… and it WAS NOT GOING ANYWHERE. It wanted an answer I did not want to give.
For me, the reality of my life these past few months is that I AM NOT OK. For me personally, life is nowhere near where I would like it to be or where I need it to be in order for me to be the highest functioning individual possible. For months, I have simply been “hiding”… HOPING things will get better… SOMEHOW… or at the very least, the negative parts somehow simply “disappear.” I have been afraid, unproductive, listless, depressed, physically hurting, and mentally and emotionally impaired… and I REFUSED TO “LISTEN.”
EVERYTHING about ME was “talking”… my brain, my body, my soul, and my spirit… screaming, begging, pleading… and I refused to listen. I refused to engage in the “conversation” because I KNEW the answer (I was NOT Ok) and I did not have the skills, the abilities, nor the fortitude to do what was needed “to change the answer.” But THAT is the thing, isn’t it! That is the really crazy part, to me at least! I didn’t need to do anything in the past few months “alone”… I have plenty of friends and family and supports that are there for me ALWAYS… and would have done anything ANYTHING to “help me”… if only…
I simply needed to engage in THE MOST IMPORTANT CONVERSATION I WILL EVER HAVE… the conversation with myself. There is SO MUCH MORE I would like to write about this topic (and it is highly likely there WILL BE MORE posts) but I am going to leave it here… Are YOU engaged in the most important conversation? Are you even aware of what is being discussed? How is this conversation affecting you? Are YOU in control of this conversation or is this conversation in control of YOU?
It SHOULD be easy to know when things aren’t right within…I agree that your body speaks to you and tries to get your attention when something is wrong. But yes! It is hard to own up to that fact and admit that maybe sometimes we’re NOT okay. That is hard to do alone!
I know one of your core beliefs is in the pursuit of responsibility in order to be the highest functioning individual possible. I also think it is extremely important to seek the support and help of others. When we do this, it makes me wonder if in doing so, are we looking to have a bit of temporary help shouldering some of that responsibility? Almost like trying it out to see if we can eventually face some of the hard truths on our own? Or is it simply seeking direction from others when we don’t know which way to turn in that pursuit of responsibility? Do you think responsibility is solely an individual pursuit?
Hmmm… I am not so used to getting comments… and then you give me one LIKE THIS! Dang… ok! I will do my best, but you have given me A LOT to think about here. First, I TRULY BELIEVE we ALWAYS KNOW when things are NOT RIGHT… our mind, our body, our soul, and our spirit are ALWAYS COMMUNICATING with us and telling us the THE TRUTH of our lives… but we OFTEN IGNORE what we are being “told”… for a multitude of reasons!
As to owning up to the fact that we are not okay… and this being hard to do “alone”… I agree completely! Especially in the world today where there is so much “pressure” to “show” that you are thriving and definitely cover-up any moments you are not thriving so much. Again, just more ills of social media, in my mind. But I also think this is probably one of the reasons that talk therapy is helpful in some ways because it just offers that “support and extra help” that WE ALL SOMETIMES NEED!
As to your last sentence, I JUST published a video on YouTube that addresses this very thing. In the video I am talking about the chapter, “Sphere of Influence” in the book. There is this line, and it is even italicized for importance, and I think validly so, “If you are responsible for your own life, then your sphere of influence is responsible for how you take responsibility for your own life.” Yea, in the end, “taking responsibility” is ALL YOU… but the biggest fact of this world is that WE WILL ALL NEED HELP… CONSTANTLY! Does this answer things adequately? I hope so… because that is all I have! Thank you for the comment, Betsy!