Please Do Not Fail Me…
”Go find a ditch and lie down in it and never get back up, you f*c&in piece of s$!t” These are some of the last words I heard from a student before he was suspended for multiple days. He was NOT suspended because of anything I did. I didn’t even really know what was going on… but I THINK (I really am not 100% certain about this) that he was testing me… and I failed… just like EVERY other adult he has ever known. He WANTED me to be “different” and someone he could actually trust and depend on and know I was a good dude… and in his eyes I failed! And in this situation, the way his eyes see things is ALL THAT MATTERS. I FAILED!
I don’t know if I get a second chance… maybe the bridge has been burned. The student will return next week. The thing about this whole situation that MOST breaks my heart is that his birthday was last Friday. Nothing was done for him! 13 or 14 years old and NOTHING! Last weekend I spent hours making a handmade card for him and buying him his favorite candy just so that I could show him I care. I NEVER got the chance to give it to him… I don’t know if I ever will. Please give me one more chance…
That’s rough, Hylan. I’m sorry you have had a tough week and I’m sorry that you were a target of this kid’s frustration. I know how easy it is to interpret a student’s actions and to take them personally.
Kids who have gone through their whole life being let down by those they are supposed to be able to trust and have rarely, if ever, felt loved and safe are going to lash out and test others—brutally. I’m sure you already know that, but it doesn’t make it any easier. You WILL have another opportunity to connect and build trust with him, because of who you are. In fact, you’ll likely need more than just one additional chance to make progress. I’m confident that you will have many more opportunities to help him.
I know nothing of the situation, but the fact that he lashed out like that makes me think he’s putting out feelers to see how you’ll react each time and he’s going to keep checking to see if you’re the kind of person who will be there for him despite the choices he makes with his words or actions. I think he already knows that you care but he just doesn’t want to believe it or isn’t ready to believe it…yet.
You’ll help him believe it.
I hope you find the rest and healing that you need this weekend.
Thank you, Betsy! You are right in everything you have written… but no, it REALLY does NOT feel good! I am ok… just a tough week. Thank you so much for all the support and kind words! MUCH, MUCH APPRECIATED!!!