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The first surgery on my abdominal area happened on the first day of graduate school at Colorado State University. After missing two weeks of graduate level classes, I spent one more, very painful, intense week attending classes, hoping somehow to save my first semester of graduate school. It was not meant to be. EXACTLY three weeks after the first surgery, I was back at the same hospital, talking to the same nurse, and waiting to see the same doctor so she could explain the pain I was experiencing. I was hoping she would say everything was perfectly normal and that I should not worry and that I should just return home. That was my hope anyway. This was also not meant to be. Dang!

The doctor pulled the thin curtain aside and closed it just as quickly. In her very concise manner, she addressed me and the nurse I had met three weeks ago. “Hylan, we don’t know exactly but we think you are just experiencing cramps. However, we need to run some tests. We need your stomach to be empty. Our hope is that if we can empty your stomach the cramps will go away. Either way, we need to insert an NG tube. The nurses are getting things ready now. Any questions?” Hell yea I had questions! Can I leave now? I will just suffer the pain. There is NO WAY I want that tube down my throat sucking stuff out of my stomach again. NG tubes are NOT for me! “Doctor, is it ABSOLUTELY necessary for the the NG tube? I think it is just cramps also. I feel better already.” “Hylan, we have to be sure. If there are complications, we need to know. Oh yea, and we will need you to be awake this time when the NG tube is inserted. The nurses will be here in a few minutes.” Whoa! What? Wait, wait… NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I refuse. I feel better. I want to go home. Doc… These were my thoughts as the curtain closed behind her and she went to prepare to cut me open once again.

I would like to try and explain the process of inserting an NG tube but I will not. It makes my throat tighten and brings tears to my eyes just to think of it. I have no idea if others are as traumatized by that thing as I am, but I do know that I NEVER want one of those inserted again. However, as traumatic as it was to have an NG tube inserted through my nose, down my throat, passing through my esophagus to my stomach, while very much awake and gagging constantly, this process did teach me something very important. A lesson that I keep with me today and something that has served me well throughout the years. The human body, ALL human bodies, are INCREDIBLY resilient and can endure so much more pain, suffering, annoyances, cuts, bruises, scrapes, broken bones, and whatever other mishaps any of us can find that I often just sit shaking my head in disbelief. We are ALL stronger than we will ever know! We are also weaker.

After I woke from the second surgery, I was not worried about the seven-inch incision down the middle of my belly. I was not even worried about the huge metal staples they used to keep the gory mess that was now would forever scar the area just above and below my belly button. I was definitely not worried about when they take the staples out and the incision starts to ooze out puss and whatever else and it looks like the scene in Aliens. I was worried about swallowing. Don’t swallow. Don’t swallow. Don’t swallow. Ahh man, impossible! I swallowed, again and again and again.

The thing about an NG tube is that all the stuff that is pumped out of your stomach has to go… somewhere. My NG tube, once it came out of my nose, was attached to a clear, plastic bag where I could watch the black liquid being pumped out of my body. The thing was this bag was at a higher level than my nose, so every time I swallowed the NG tube would move just a tiny little bit. A fractional movement. Maybe not even noticeable if you were looking at me. But I noticed! With the two surgeries combined, I think I spent approximately eleven days with an NG tube burning a valley into the tip of my nose every time I swallowed, or moved, or did pretty much anything. The NG tube was bad! Horrible even! This minute, ever-present, consistent chafing made things unbearable. I felt like I was going crazy. I still have a scar on the tip of my nose that reminds me how much I really, really hate NG tubes. Knowing that EVERYTHING I did was going to cause me pain was something similar to torture. I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t handle this!”

But I did! We all have! We all have had moments where we just want to say, “I can’t handle this!” Maybe you are experiencing some of those feelings now because of the current situation. Life is pretty freakin’ tough right now. All I can say, without a doubt, is that we are ALL so much stronger than we will ever realize. Yea, sometimes life puts an NG tube into all our paths, but we survive. We move on, to better things. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And one day, whatever the moment is currently, you will also have a story to tell.