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My 50th birthday will happen next week. Dang! I won’t say it but I am pretty sure everyone knows what I am thinking. I USUALLY spend my birthday alone… just thinking… I have never had a problem with this. For me, this is a better way to spend such a day than being the center of attention at a party I don’t want to be at feeling pretty uncomfortable and just wanting to be at my apartment by myself. But 50 years have passed… and I have NO IDEA how many more years I get. 

Recently, life has taken some turns. I was fired from a job I was counting on pretty heavily. Finances have taken a hit. My physical health has not been exactly as I would like it to be and this is messing with my mental and spiritual health. Some days have been a little difficult to rise from bed and there are some very real struggles. And yesterday, I found out I only have this month left before Rowan leaves Minneapolis and the production of this podcast becomes MUCH MORE DIFFICULT! 

LESS THAN A MONTH!!! WHOA! WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!!! Dang! HOW LUCKY AM I? I have moments and moments and moments to live my life EXACTLY as I WISH! I don’t know if this is a gift from God for surviving on this Earth for 50 years or what… but I am NOT going to waste it! 

Within this past year, I have learned, and felt, and done so many amazing things! It has been an incredible journey in so many different ways and I have grown tremendously! This past year has been a gift and I am NOT going to waste it. I have learned to appreciate how valuable my friends are to me and how much they add to my life. I have learned to take risks and not worry so much about the results. I have learned that I am a creative person and that this creativity is valuable. I have learned that I am a lovable person and it is ok to be loved… still working on that one, but progress is being made. I have learned that SO MANY people care about me and support me and have my back in so many different ways… even if I feel I don’t deserve it sometimes. I have learned there are SO MANY magical, wonderful, caring, AMAZING people in this world and they are EVERYWHERE. I have learned my past is not as important as who I am today… and who I am today is a pretty good person. Most importantly, I have learned that moments pass, and NONE OF US are guaranteed ANYTHING in this life.

I don’t know how many more moments I have left in this life, but in the moments I do, I don’t want to waste anything I have been given. From this moment on, I want to love and create and value and hug and be authentic and fierce in my pursuits and quiet in my ways and the best person I am capable of being for the remainder of the moments I have been gifted.