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For the last two weeks, I have been a juror for a criminal trial involving two counts of murder, two counts of domestic assault, and one count of aiding and abetting/ after the fact. The defendant was a man and as a jury, we convicted him of three of the five charges. It was a horribly gruesome trial and the mother of the victim actually passed out one day after seeing images of her daughter after the crime. Some jurors have had nightmares. I have not been able to sleep. Every juror agrees they are no longer fans of real crime dramas and documentaries and never want to see the inside of a courtroom again. It was a horrible experience for which I am very, very grateful.

I could not help thinking the man on trial did not have to be there. If someone, somewhere, at some time had just reached out a helping hand, had said a kind word, smiled, spent some time, just treated him like a human being, he MAYBE would not have had to sit in the seat he sat in for the entire trial. It is my belief this man committed a horrible crime. But I also believe there were moments in this man’s life where someone could have made a difference. A difference literally between life and death. I can not even think of this trial right now without crying. This is the most raw and exposed I have felt in a long time.

All I know is that each of us in this world need help. I also know that each of us is capable of giving help, whatever that might be. It can be as simple as a smile or a simple hello. Please help each other. This is a tough, really brutal world. Hug your kids. Tell them you love them. Tell them they matter in this world. Protect them. Do this not only for your own, but all the children of this world. I am broken by what I have witnessed these past two weeks, but I am also fiercely energized to make this world a better place. I can no longer help the man I helped to convict this past week, but I can damn well help others. I am angry and confused and tore-up by the world we live in right now, but I am also fiercely committed to making this a better world for ALL. NO ONE deserves to sit in that defendant’s chair, and I will do everything I can to make sure every person with whom I come into contact NEVER experiences these past two weeks. My heart aches with pain AND with love.